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Facebook Investigator


Honey child let me tell you how I almost got caught being nosey on Facebook! 

It was late one night & I was scrolling down my fb news feed when I came across a very interesting status that one of my fbf’s had shared.  The status was from someone who I know but was not friends with on fb.  The status was talking about a group of people who were all tagged in this status.  None of the people involved in this status are my fbf’s.  I decided this status want giving me enough information, I needed details honey.  Here’s where things get a little tricky.  Since I am not fbf’s with anyone involved, I can’t just comment on the status and say “hey, what’s going on here”.  I have to dig a little deeper.

I start off by going to the original “poster” of the status.  Ok let’s stop for a moment while I break this down for you.  The original “poster” and I are NOT friends, in real life or online.  We don’t like each other, we have had some very strong words in the past about nothing in general and do not have any dealings to this day.  Now that I’m on this person’s page I have to scroll through a lot of unnecessary posts, pictures, bullsh☆t, and whatever else.  I finally get to the post and guess what, none of the people that are named in the post are actually tagged!  UGH!!!

Now I have to type each person’s name in the search bar.  It’s so hard being nosey!  As I’m reading the comments on the original post, I notice a relative of one of the people mentioned is someone I know.  Of course I have to visit this person’s page to see if there is anything posted about the situation or their relative.  Maybe even a direct link to their page.  While I’m on the relative’s page I’m looking at pictures, watching videos, going through their friends list, everything except what I’m supposed to be doing.  I finally find that relative & go to that page.  Then, I see that the other people that were mentioned & proceed to go to each one of their pages.  When I finish snooping on those for extra pages I go back to the first person mentioned page.

I know by now you are confused as hell because I am too but the end is near, I promise.   I’m on track now! I find out where they’re from and where they live now.  I’m clicking on pictures of the kids, reading the comments, reading status updates and those comments.  I even look at their check-ins at places they’ve been.  I’ve gotten so deep into my investigation that I began watching videos.  I mean, I am dying laughing at some of these videos.  Telling other people in the room to come over and watch the videos with me!  I forgot all about my investigation.  Oh, I was having a grand ole time, too good of a time.   I almost got myself caught up when I decided the video was so good that I just had to share it…don’t worry I caught myself just in the nic of time!   I thought to myself,  “you idiot what are you doing?”  “Pump your brakes fool!”  I scared my self so bad it made my butthole pucker.  Whew, too close for me!

Moral of the story,  mind your damn business online and in real life!  If you do decide to become a Facebook Investigator,  don’t forget you’re on the job and don’t click the share button!   By the way…I never found anything out, it wasn’t worth the butt puckering at all!




Big city country girl! Lover of life, happiness, and fashion. Respecter of one's character not one's title. Respect is given when it is received. I don't have a problem saying NO! I know my purpose and I'm standing and living my truth. I only speak when spoken to and I only answer when asked!

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